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Archive for the ‘haphazard logic’ Category

When I came across this post today on Boing Boing, this was my train of thought, more or less metaverbatim:

Zeppelin versus pterodactyls? That would be a freakin’ sweet movie. I’d probably watch that. No, I’d definitely watch that. A blimp facing off against a flying reptile? There’s so much right about that premise that no amount of wrong can compromise its entertainment value. Well, unless whoever directed Crossover got the directing nod for some reason (ahem – Preston A. Whitmore), but that’s unlikely. So yeah, dude, I’d so watch this movie. A dirigible going head-to-head with a dinosaur? Man, that’s so awesome. What a combination. Zeppelin versus pterodactyls. Wow.

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Dear Sign Twirlers Across the Nation,

Thank you. Thank you for your dedication to excellence. Thank you for your willingness to showcase your talents despite the constant judgment you face by drivers idling in their cars. Thank you for unassumingly embracing your placement on the mantle of cultural ubiquity, rightfully among the ranks of the Skip-it, overly-made up cafeteria ladies, and Rosie O’Donnell’s unsolicited opinions/Ryan Seacrest’s face.

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1) when people say that something or someone “takes the cake,” what flavor is the cake?

if the phrase was “takes a cake,” I wouldn’t give this a second thought. but, no, the phrase is “takes the cake,” which I take to mean that the originator(s) of this idiom had a particular cake in mind. personally, I think that it had to be a cake that the he/she/they knew would have universal appeal, leading me to believe that this cake that is proverbially taken was a funfetti cake.
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I, for one, have never been offered to be bought a drink, no less a “drank.” Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, maybe it’s because I’m not what the industry calls “camera friendly,” or maybe it’s because no woman has ever thought to herself “now this is a guy I want to inebriate and take advantage of… in that way” upon first eye contact. (Let’s be real, though – many women have thought that. They’ve just all been too shy. Shy or nonexistent). On the other hand, I’ve never offered to buy a drink for a woman I’m not acquainted with, either. But I have offered to buy them a drank.

Anyway, perhaps my general unfamiliarity with this whole “Can I buy you a drink?” social script piqued my interest in the song “Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin’)” by T-Pain, featuring Yung Joc. I understood the gist of the song during my first listen, but was curious as to exactly what T-Pain was singing and Yung Joc was rapping. While Yung Joc’s verse of rap was surprisingly straight-forward and relatively airtight, T-Pain’s words left me with more questions than answers..

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As far as I can remember, I’ve never cared much for Pennsylvania, be it in a positive or negative way. It’s the home of some snakebitten sports teams, provided the backdrop for most of the Rocky series, and birthed the cheese steak; beyond that, Pennsylvania seemed to be a middle-of-the-pack, don’t-rock-the-boat state – basically the self-content straight-B student of the Union.

But within the past few months, I’ve learned many less-than-flattering facts about the Keystone State. The sheer number of stupid, sad things about this particular state is almost shocking. Appalling. Divinely uninspired even.

REASONS WHY PENNSYLVANIA SUCKS (part 1):

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