As far as I can remember, I’ve never cared much for Pennsylvania, be it in a positive or negative way. It’s the home of some snakebitten sports teams, provided the backdrop for most of the Rocky series, and birthed the cheese steak; beyond that, Pennsylvania seemed to be a middle-of-the-pack, don’t-rock-the-boat state – basically the self-content straight-B student of the Union.
But within the past few months, I’ve learned many less-than-flattering facts about the Keystone State. The sheer number of stupid, sad things about this particular state is almost shocking. Appalling. Divinely uninspired even.
REASONS WHY PENNSYLVANIA SUCKS (part 1):
1. County Names
A) Washington County, Wyoming County, Delaware County, Indiana County, and [New] York County (circled in RED)
Don’t believe me? Check out the map.
Seriously, Pennsylvania? 4 1/2 of your counties share their name with other states? LAME. Everyone knows that states take precedence over counties when names overlap. Municipalities know this. Townships and boroughs know this. Even my immigrant parents know this.
B) Lycoming County (circled in BLACK)
Just because you replace the “W” in “Wyoming” with “Lyc” doesn’t mean that no one is going to notice your complete lack of creativity. And it’s only two counties over! If you’re going to pull a shenanigan like this, at least make sure there are at least four states separating Wyoming from Lycoming. That’s right – at least four.
C) Carbon County (circled in MAGENTA)
Yeah, I get it. Lots of coal. Carbon County. It makes sense, but in a way, it makes too much sense. As inane a name as it is, I’ll consider this a light infraction because three other states have a Carbon County (granted the other three states are Utah, Wyoming, and Montana).
D) Centre County (circled in BLUE)
Really thinking outside the box here, Pennsylvania. So this is where Penn St. is located. Can’t you commission its students to find one person interesting enough to name the county after? I’d fully support JoePa County.
Also, what was the rationale for not taking the name of Middle County? Too sexy?
E) Lebanon County (circled in GREEN)
From a strictly geographic standpoint, this would make Lancaster County Israel. Lancaster County was the site of the Christiana Incident of 1851, an attempt of a slaveowner to re-enslave four slaves who had escaped. Obviously Lebanon County took their name in order to indirectly correlate Lancaster County and its slavery-driven fiasco to the Israeli conflict.
Sounds pretty anti-zionist to me. Not cool, Pennsylvania. (okay, this was silly, but this entry isn’t tagged as “haphazard logic” for nothing).
2. The Amish
The Number One reason the United States of America is losing Operation Iraqi Freedom? You got it – the Amish. Had the Amish pulled their weight in war efforts, we’d have been out of the Middle East in March of ‘06.
3. Florence Foster Jenkins
Consider her the William Hung of the first half of the 20th century. Born in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, her infamy has had a puzzling resiliency that’s spurred three plays about the tragecomedy that was her professional career. Warning: the following clip is NSFL(ife). But check it out anyway – this reason alone might be sufficient to prove the suckfest that is Pennsylvania.
4. Hershey’s / Hershey, Pennsylvania
For all the talk and concern about the obesity epidemic, both the town and company of Hershey seem to be making a pretty penny off the cocoa-based killer. Sure, Big Tobacco gets a bad rap for causing the deaths of millions of smokers, but why does Big Chocolate get off so easy?
[Edit: So it looks as if Hershey's isn't doing too hot.]
5. Chase Deer, Hit Deer, Kill Deer, Eat Deer
From MSNBC, courtesy of WGAL-TV:
LANCASTER, Pa. – A deer led police on a chase in Lancaster this morning. Police said an injured deer showed up at Shaub’s Shoe Store on the first block of North Queen Street around 6 a.m. Several cars had already hit the deer, so officers shot it. But it got up and ran to the King Street Parking Garage where it proceeded to run up to the third story.
Once there, the deer jumped from the third level and landed in the Lancaster Convention Center site, narrowly missing a construction worker. The deer died on impact.
A construction worker and foreman told News 8 that some of the workers took the deer and put in in a cooler. The workers said they plan to eat it.
Police said it’s the second incident involving a deer in the last week. On Thursday at noon, a deer ran into a cruiser at King and Prince streets. It dented the car in several places. That deer was also hit by cars and the officer had to shoot it.
Only in Pennsylvania.
And so there they are, the first five reasons why Pennsylvania sucks. There are, of course, a lot of reasons that support the sentiment that Pennsylvania indeed does not suck (read: Boyz II Men and the hilarity that is Billy King), which I’m okay with; I’m just not focusing on them.
I think maybe they called it “York” county in order to try to fool people into thinking they snuck in there before New York. Sly bastards.
Hey, let me ask you geniuses something…you know what was good that came out of Pennsylvania? Gee…I dunno, maybe the Constitution of the United States of America or the Declaration of Independence – which, I might add, were based upon the frame of government of Pennsylvania (its constitution before “the” constitution) established when PA was a colony. Not to mention the fact that Pennsylvania has more colleges in it than any other state in the Union. Oh, while we’re at it…there’s also the coal that fueled the industrial revolution in the United States, kept the country heated during all of its great wars, and allowed the big steel companies to make all of the great industrial marvels of the past century. So…before you start slagging on PA, get your facts straight.
I agree that Pennsylvania sucks even though good things came out of it like the last person wrote. But the reasons you put for as to why it sucks are lame. For example, at the beginning you mentioned the county names, and they are stupid but hardly a reason why PA sucks. A good example might be how the state is making it increasingly difficult to survive by making nonsense laws, or how it is one of the highest taxing states in the union yet somehow is one of the poorest states. It may have been the state where the constitution and the declaration of independence came from, but Pennsylvania was probably a better place back then. I can almost guarantee that nothing that will benefit America or man-kind will come out of Pennsylvania again. Oh and while we’re at it, we could have gotten coal from west virginia, and I believe we did get it from there too. PA is not the only state that had/has it. I know I sort of jumped around on subjects here so just to make it clear, I agree that PA sucks at least these days because I was not around when it first became a colony. I have other reasons why PA sucks but don’t have time to list them all. Basically get Rid of the PA state government and you might have a state worth visiting or living in.
im not really sure what mike and jimmy are talking about above, but this is for sure: anyone who so vehimently defends a state by stating historical “facts” detailing his state’s numerous roles in American history, including:
“Oh, while we’re at it…there’s also the coal that fueled the industrial revolution in the United States, kept the country heated during all of its great wars, and allowed the big steel companies to make all of the great industrial marvels of the past century.”
when one of the reasons given for his state sucking is: “florence foster jenkins”, obviously takes himself a little bit too seriously. Congratulations, you’ve made us all appreciate the great state of pennsylvania’s contributions to our country’s great heritage — but natural resources, no matter how essential they are/were to our country’s legacy are convincingly outweighed by the fact that “hershey’s kisses” has become synonymous with “poopy stains”.
And its not only that. Jimmy goes on to argue that our fearless writer has omitted the most important thing about making pennsylvania not suck: the constitution. you know, with something that significant, i also can’t believe that the blogger forgot to mention it as one of the reasons why pennsylvania doesn’t suck (even though that isn’t the subject of this post.):
“Gee…I dunno, maybe the Constitution of the United States of America or the Declaration of Independence – which, I might add, were based upon the frame of government of Pennsylvania (its constitution before “the” constitution) established when PA was a colony.”
Gee…I dunno, maybe I should brush up on my pre-constitution pennsylvania colony law before making my final decision as to whether or not pennsylvania sucks. so PA had the OG constitution. fabulous. thats kinda like arguing that texas doesn’t suck because george bush and george w. bush are both presidents who are from there. i think we all know that that line of reasoning makes you a douchebag. so let’s all take a step back before someone’s feelings get hurt.
I might have to ask where the fuck you come from in beating up Pa. I agree that we have the most contaminated and diseased state government of gypseys, tramps, theives, and polititions in the union. I blame the voters in Pa for this issue, but in reality it comes from Pa’s welfare program that the polititions cater to that creates the 50% welfare to 50% worker system that gets the vermon elected by buying votes with give away programs. Our roads suck. We have two major communist cities run by thieves that elect our polititions, Philly and Pittsburgh. We are rust belt people that won two world wars with the sweat of the people at the expense of our natural recources. The minotity of Pa citizens are hard working family people that just want to live and pay fewer taxes. We would like to sent our welfare population to what ever fucking socialist state you live in and create a society of hard working, beer drinking, working people with a common cause, liberty from the thieves and faggots like you. In the 1800’s Pa and Jersey almost went to war over Philly, and Pa lost we ended up with it. If one wanted to fix Pa, we would split the state into two states right down the Allegheny mountain continental divide. Western Pa and eastern Pa are two different states screwed into one. Do we have problems, hell yes, do we need a asshole like you to drop your two cents in, no, we will do just fine without another do nothing, cry like a baby, jackoff like you to stur the shit. The only problem Pa has is tooooo many assholes like yourself that are quick to bitch and slow to act. Email me with your state and I will pullup a map, circle a few odd names and pull the same bullshit no common sense shit you did on this site. I really get tired of assholes like you, but being a constitionalist I realize that free speech is a given right by god. So lets see if you got the fucking balls to post this, it is free speach right? By the way, send me a email, and I will get together with you for a good old fashion Pa ass kicking that we are so famous for in our steel making hard drinking state, or do you have the fucking balls for it.
Dave Wyant
Yes, I agree with Jimmy. But, being a New Yorker, I have to say- after these primitive times of colonies and jazz like that, what has really happened? I mean, back then even JERSEY was doing okay providing for its country. And to be equivalent with Jersey doesn’t say much at all. And in regards to that deer story- How much incompetence could someone have to not even be able to kill an already injured deer? After the first few cars had hit it, I think it was pretty much attempting suicide from then on. Officer Joe Bolton must not have helped the situation much either with a few “Yosemite Sam” target practice sessions. And after the deer ended his misery, Cletus, Clem, and Billy-Bob decided to put the beast in the cooler. The cooler. This isn’t just one little thing, this is the mindset of every Pennsylvanian I have ever met. I was in a facility down in PA, and I have to say that it is filled with some real mutants. Some gene pool catastrophes, to say the least. With two words to label PA, I would say it is culturally inept. Not much going on down there besides…well, I’m at a loss. I vote we give it back to the Indians and see if they can salvage anything out of it. After all, they’re the ones in the first place who never waste a part of the carcass. And in this case, This state is indeed a carcass.
Selah,
Mario R. Groppi.
Yeah, this place sucks. We left here to move to a much, much better state. But, my husband insisted we move back. I’m a dummy for listening. The people are cheesy, old fashioned, miserable, and fat. The weather is horrible. I can’t even get up my driveway. Everyone is behind the times. And everyone here is obsessed with local celebrities. Oh, and the taxes. ugh! The men in Pittsburgh sound like a bunch of dumbasses with the way they talk. No one takes care of their appearance (did I mention everyone is FAT). And I have never seen such a large group of hairy hicks obsessed with shooting deer. I think this place is about 5 years behind the present time. And it’s so funny seeing you PA-lovers defend this state. It is so, so funny! You get so worked up. hehe
I am actively working on moving out of this state. Don’t be afraid to get out and try new places, people.
shut the fuck up PA is much more better. haha and the names were made why back it in time duhhh and i know caus ei live there Buddy
cc is obviously your typical Pennsylvania moron. I hope you and everyone like you dies a slow and painful death! Death to Pa! Death to the Amish! Death to the Pocono’s! Death death death!
Lived here in Pa. all of my life. We moved to So. Ca. for four yrs. My wife haunted me until we moved back. Now we are miserable…..just like the rest of this state.
Hey Now…. Whats all this bashing of PA? I will have you know that I learned how to properly position my head and stretch my neck in a way that would allow me to suck my own penis, in PA. That was a valuable lesson that will provide me with a lifetime of personal pleasure. All because a sex professor from “Drew’s Discount Adult House” off Interstate 81 taught me. You see good things have come from PA.
I love PA, there’s so many good things that most people don’t even know about the state, for instance we have the world’s only drive-thru strip club….beat that!!! hahaha no but really PA’s not as bad as people make it out to be, cut us some slack we could be a worse state like NJ or any of the southern states!!!
pennsylvania is good it looks clean, pretty and unpolluted it is a bit boring florida and utah is better than pa, but texas and nevada are worse than pa
pa is a beautiful state i saw the pictures and it’s pretty fl, va and sc are better than pa wa, tx, and nv are worse
pennsylvania is ok
the one thing that does suck are those d**n steeler fans. they always think they’re the snit and so better than all other teams. it so stupid and pathetic.
” ohh look at me! I think my team is god or something! my whole life revolves around the holy lord steelers! yaaaay!”
like their whole life revolves around the d**n team. its stupid.
well one day i might go up their on my he11raising motorcycle and raise he11 on those tards
I live in PA and……what is with all the PA haters lately. Sure we have our flaws, but every state has one. Maryland has is crappy beaches, new jersey has its crappy neighborhoods, and Texes has George W. Bush. So…..come on…the US was basically created in PA. Keystone state anyone.
Good things that came from PA
1:It’s always sunny in philadelphia
2:philly cheesesteaks
3:covered bridges.
Boom bam bitches.
PA SUCKS a@@. I live in beaver pa which is 25 min north of pittsburgh. The area is dirty, old, and everyone is on disability for back problems and depression. THE BEAVER POLICE COVER FOR DRUG SNITCHES FOR THEIR OWN GAIN AND DONT PROTECT THE PEOPLE OF BEAVER. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I HAD A PROBLEM WITH AN EX- TENANT AND THE POLICE COVERED FOR HIM, SO I HAD TO HIRE A LAWYER AND MY LAWYER FOUND OUT THAT THE TENANT WAS A SNITCH FOR THE POLICE. THE EX-TENANT WAS THREATING ME AND MY HUSBANDS LIFE AND COMING ON MY PROPERTY AFTER HE WAS EVICTED. ON TOP OF THAT THE WEATHER SUCKS. YOU NEVER SEE THE SUN. MATTER OF FACT THE WEATHER REPORT SAY THAT WESTERN PA HAS LESS SUN THEN WASHINGTON STATE. I CANT WAIT TO MOVE BACK TO VIRGINA BEACH. I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU PEOPLE THAT KEEP TRYING TO DEFEND PA. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOUR MISSING. DO SOME TRAVING. IM SURE YOU WILL THEN SEE THAT PA DOES SUCK.
Not to mention all of the sick,inbred pedophiles that come from the “great state”of pa.I’m from the western part of the U.S.and have had the misfortune of gettin to know a lot of yahoos from pa- people from the pittsburgh area can’t even speak english correctly, they’re ignorant.and all of these people constantly brag about how great pa is-if its so great they should move back there,none of us want them out here in the beautiful west.
I always wanted to go to Penn State as a child because my father went there. When I came back from Iraq I decided to pursue my dream…I hate this place!!!! The taxes are insane, the people here are a bunch of hill billies the girls are so ugly and I wake up every morning wanting to shoot my self in the face. Not to mention the outrageous tuition I am spending and no help for veterans as in work study or Va counselors. I am actively seeking a way out of this toilet
I can think of one word to describe Pennsylvania: PATHETIC. Look around you, PA. There are very few other states in as bad of a situation as you are. All your industries have died, you are nearly bankrupt, no one wants to move their business to your state because of high property taxes, the state is dirty and living in the past, the people are very very rude…….I could go on forever. It’s no surprise everyone flees PA once they have the means to do so.
And I think PA is the white trash capital of the nation. Especially western PA. When everyone thinks of white trash, they think of the south. But they need to be looking in PA, because it is a haven for white trash, redneck losers. And this is coming from someone who has (unfortunately) lived in PA all their life.
i love it here. i have everything i need. living in montco, wealthiest county in the state. hey rednecks out west, try giving a shit about your job maybe then your experience here will be better. the “still” industry has been dead for decades, but thanks for helping philly with its world class skyscrapers, we appreciate it you snaggle tooth republican steeler rootin tootin tumblin deer shootin grammatically challenged assholes!
PA sucks. I’ve had the misfortune of living here most of my life. I move to SoCal for 2 years and never wanted to come back. I made more friends and got more girls in 2 years then I got my entire life from 12-20 in PA. I had to come back because of my lame parents. The people in PA are rude, ignorant and racist. The upper darby cops look for any reason to pull you over. The few cute girls around here are to ignorant to look at someone with darker skin they are happy with there plain looking average joes. No one knows anything about cars around here. No one knows how to drive. The roads suck and are too small and have pot holes everywhere. The few smart people I know in PA want to leave for Florida, California or Arizona. The weather here fucking sucks it has all the rain of Washington state with none of the charm. Center City Philly smells like shit probably from the bums. Its so fucking boring all people do is go to the bars and watch sports. There are more bars than clubs. There is no rave scene. There is no
Scenery. There are no drift tracks or dirt bike trails. You have to drive to NJ to go to the beach. Beer and Liquor are sold in two totally different places. They stop selling alcohol at 11pm and all the Liquor stores close at 9pm. You can only go to a beer distributor or state store to buy beer or liquor. You can’t buy it at the supermarket! Its a boring frightfully backwards state where I still see some people rocking mullets. Never come here. I could go on forever.
Give us a break with the Steelers. Of course we love them, what else is there? The crappy weather is enough to make you want to kill yourself.